


Thorns on a Rose

by orphan_account



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-24 00:39:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10730592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Are you familiar with the term 'Dissociative Identity Disorder'?”





	Thorns on a Rose

Even after Kara left her office, finally leaving her alone with her thoughts, all Lena could think about was what had happened to Jack. Jack Spheer, another person who had been brutally taken from her, like all the other important people in her life had been. Lionel, by death. Lex and Lillian, by insanity and xenophobia.

Pain was not a word that could describe what she was feeling. For the moment, the sensation was nothing more than an emptiness, an emptiness she feared would be occupied by something that would turn her into something she hated, into someone like her mother. Lena felt numb and the sensation carried her back to certain situations in her childhood, memories she had buried deep in her mind.

Screams, pain, blood.

Deception, depression, anger, fear.

Blurs that made no sense but had a peculiar way of digging a hole in her already broken heart. Broken memories whose pieces she did not want to put together.

Then Lena took a deep breath. She could not cry, nor did she want to do it. She closed her eyes and waited for what would come, since it always came in situations similar to that. She waited for the company that appeared to appease her solitude and numbness and bring her back to reality. Someone who had been there since her childhood, long before Kara Danvers appeared in her life.

"Hi, Lena." As anticipated, the familiar voice sounded like a whisper of comfort and affection, engulfing her in a sense of security that had abandoned her since she had set foot in the Luthor mansion for the first time.

"You came." There was no surprise in Lena's voice, only vague recognition. The maximum her state of numbness was capable of producing.

"I always do.” The answer came in a sweet, gentle way, like no one else's had ever been to Lena Luthor. “I came to take care of you. If I don’t, who will?"

 _Kara_ , Lena wanted to respond. Kara would come. Kara would take care of her and protect her, as she had promised. Lena, however, did not dare give that answer, though she did not have to utter a word. The second person in the office took care of breaking the awkward silence.

"She wouldn’t do anything for you, Lena.” This time, the sweetness and gentleness in the familiar voice had vanished, replaced by a severity and disappointment that caused a sharp pain in an already injured heart. “No one would do for you what I do. I thought we had already established that."

And Lena remembered. She remembered days in her childhood and adolescence, painful days spent with words of comfort from the same person who kept her company at that moment. Words of comfort that, however, were like a rose. Beautiful, but full of thorns.

Words of comfort that came with explanations. The truth that no one would ever love her. No one would ever take care of her. The reality was that as long as she lived, she would be on her own. No one would care. No one but the person who had told her this, the person who had opened her eyes to the cruelty of the world.

Finally, Lena allowed herself to look up and focus her attention on the one sitting next to her on the couch. The smile on the face of the familiar figure was comforting, but it brought something bittersweet to Lena's heart whenever she looked at her.

Her mirror image. The person who had always looked after her.

Tess.

Unlike Lena, Tess never looked sad. She did not hurt, she did not let herself be affected by the world. It had always been that way. Lena suffered, had her heart broken and Tess was always there to pick up the pieces. Ever since Lena was capable of remembering.

"I can take care of everything for you, if you let me." Tess offered, resuming her friendly and companion posture again. The way Lena most remembered.

And though often as a child she had accepted that proposal without even realizing it, she was an adult now. She knew better.

"No." It was the first time she had refused anything from Tess. She could never say no to her mirror image, akin to how she could not say no to Kara, but also something extremely different. Tess's words had a unique tug, a way to make her give up that bordered on manipulation, something that Kara would never be able to do.

"Why not?” Tess asked quietly, not looking annoyed or disappointed by the response. Lena felt the slow, feeble drag of Tess's index finger on her jaw, a ghostly touch that had always comforted her as a child. “It would be like when you were a kid and Lionel and Lillian were mean to you. I was always there. I was there when no one else was."

And Lena saw what she was doing, the sweetness that bordered on manipulation, the way words were spoken with the clear purpose of making her give in. But it was not something she could fight against.

Although she wanted to deny it, she had already lost that battle. Tess always wins, after all.

"I know but..." She tried to argue, but it was a vain effort.

"Lena, do you trust me?" That was the question. The question in which Tess made her final move, as a chess player about to perform the checkmate.

“Of course I do.” And Lena answered as she always answered. Because that was Tess. And she had always trusted Tess.

"Then let me do what must be done." The green eyes that stared at Lena brought something in them that the Luthor could not identify, something that made her stomach turn. However, she ignored this, as she had always ignored.

Lena exchanged glances between the hand offered to her and the face of the person doing it. _Her face_ , though filled with a lightness and calmness she could not see in herself at the moment. Something she had always had to fake. A mask she had always had to put in to hide her broken heart, her painful past.

Then, as she remembered doing so many times when she was younger, she held up the hand of her mirror image. Tess smiled. And Lena felt as if, for the first time in many years, the pain was gone.

…

                Kara was anxious. She felt that she should not have left Lena alone in that state, but at that hour of dawn there was not much else she could do. The CEO should be home at the moment, probably sleeping, as she should be.

Kara felt her heart break as she remembered how Lena had been shortly before she had to leave. Lena Luthor, always so strong and determined, looked so small and broken in the blonde's arms.

She felt even worse because she did not know what to do. Did not know how to help. She was Supergirl and had no idea how to help one of the most important people to her. What use would her powers have if she could not help the woman she loved?

Yes, she loved Lena. She loved her as she had never loved anyone else. It had taken her a long time to be able to admit it to herself, and even more so to open up with Alex and Maggie about it, but it was a fact that could not be denied. She loved Lena and did not regret it.

Because Lena was so good, pure, kind and generous. Lena Luthor was someone in whom the world seemed to throw the worse it had, but that always rose and continued her life, endured her days with courage and determination. Lena was someone who, despite everything that happened to her, did not let herself be carried away by pain and suffering. Someone who still believed the world was good and deserved to be saved.

Kara admired her deeply and loved her with all her heart.

She also worried too much. She worried about what the loss of Jack might do to Lena, someone who had already lost so much in her life. Although it was painful for Kara to admit, Lena loved Jack. And the blonde could hardly imagine the extent of the damage that new loss would cause the last Luthor to stand.

So Kara did not sleep. She remained awake, her mind a whirl of thoughts that would not allow her any rest. A whirlwind of thoughts in which, among all, she could see a pair of kryptonite green eyes and a smile as bright as the yellow sun.

…

Kara's hurried footsteps denounced her eagerness to get to Lena's office. She had wanted to see the brunette since the second she had left her alone in the office the night before, and now, on an acceptable hour, she was finally able to do that. As usual, Jess had let her pass, as Lena had commanded.

Being honest with herself, Kara did not know what to expect when she walked through the office door. For one thing, Lena had never been one to drown in self-pity. On the other hand, the events of the previous day had been very painful and exhausting for the CEO.

However, the newly reemployed journalist did not have to think about it very much, for she soon spotted Lena, sitting behind her desk, working as if it were just another day, as if nothing had happened. Kara could not help the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, the painful tug in her heart. Something was wrong, she could feel it.

"Lena?" She called.

Lena looked up, focusing her green eyes on Kara, and smiled. A smile that was not characteristic of her, and which, though similar, was also different from the others she had exhibited.

"Hello, Kara.” The answer came in a different way than usual. There was not the clear happiness to see her that always warmed the heart of Kara. “I wasn’t expecting a visit from you." That made Kara frown.

"I said I'd take care of you." Kara recalled, still confused by the CEO’s attitude.

"I'm afraid I don’t have time for this right now.” Lena quickly dismissed her, much to Kara’s confusion and disappointment. “I'm busy, as you can tell. Having worked for Cat Grant, I'm sure you're familiar with the responsibilities of a CEO." She stated before turning her attention to the papers she had to sign.

“Of course.” Kara nodded. Without seeing another option, she left the office, still not understanding why Lena was acting that way. It could be the CEO's way of coping with the loss. But still, Kara could not help feeling a painful pang in her heart because of the way Lena had treated her.

…

Kara hoped that after a few days that strange behavior would disappear. However, it continued, making her every day less familiar with Lena, because the person behind those green eyes was nothing but a stranger. Then, as her last resort, there was Supergirl. It seemed to be the time for the hero to pay the CEO a visit.

"Supergirl.” Lena was on the balcony, which is why she quickly caught sight of Kara's approach. “What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Kara Danvers told me you've been acting strange." Kara explained, examining Lena with her eyes.

"Are you starting to see the Luthor in me?" Lena raised an eyebrow, her lips forming a mischievous grin.

"No, of course not. She's worried, and so am I.” Kara frowned. She did not wish to lie to Lena, but she had to. At least, until she reunited the courage to tell the CEO the truth. “Lena, what's going on?"

"Nothing. Your concerns are completely unnecessary." Lena shrugged.

"I don’t think they are." Kara retorted.

"I honestly don’t care about the opinion of liars." Lena murmured, but Kara's super hearing was more than capable of catching the poisonous words.

"What?" The blonde asked in shock.

"I just thought aloud. I'm sorry.” Lena shrugged, quickly dismissing the subject. “Would you please leave?" She asked. However, she did not wait for an answer from Kara, simply entering the office again, leaving behind a shocked and hurt Supergirl.

…

Kara was running out of ideas. She did not know what else to do. She had even asked Alex, and then Maggie, to talk to Lena, hoping either of them could figure out what was wrong with the CEO. However, the only conclusion they had come to was that something was definitely wrong with Lena Luthor.

And Kara did not have much more options. Therefore, she had to go to the person who, she admitted grudgingly, knew Lena better than she did. And who would know Lena as well as her mother?

Lillian Luthor.

The sentence given to the matriarch of the Luthor family did not allow her many visits, but an exception was made for Supergirl. Kara did not feel comfortable sitting in front of the woman who tried to kill her and all the aliens to ask questions about said woman’s daughter, but she had no choice. So, ignoring Lillian's occasional venomous remarks, Kara informed the woman of Lena's strange behavior.

For a moment, Kara thought she saw Lillian's ever stoic mask crumble. The ever-unreachable woman _paled_. Lillian Luthor, who was not afraid of any aliens that might be scattered around the universe, seemed suddenly terrified at the mere mention of the abnormal behavior of her youngest daughter.

However, the reaction lasted only a short time. The mask was put back in place, and finally the woman gave the answer Kara sought.

"Are you familiar with the term 'Dissociative Identity Disorder'?” Lillian asked. Confused, Kara shook her head in denial and waited for the woman's explanation. “Dissociation is defined as a complex mental process that promotes individuals a mechanism that enables them to cope with traumatic and painful situations. In other words, her brain has created another personality to deal with traumatic situations and to protect her.”

Dissociative Identity Disorder. That was Lena's problem.

For a moment, Kara's mind seemed to stop. This lasted only a moment, before the thoughts came as a whirlwind to her mind.

Pain and trauma, Lillian had said. This was something caused by pain and trauma. Lena's mind had felt such a deep need to protect herself from what she was being submitted that she had created another person, another personality to handle everything.

Kara saw red and took everything in herself to not use her vision of heat vision to make the woman in front of her disappear. She wanted Lillian Luthor to disappear, but Lena was more important now.

"What did you do to her to provoke this?" She asked, her voice trembling from the ill-controlled rage.

"We simply taught her how to be a real Luthor. How was I supposed to know she was so weak?" The smile on Lillian's face was sickly, and the fury that Kara felt prevented her from seeing how shaky the gesture was.

Not for the first time, Kara wanted to hurt Lillian. She had never been someone who had considered killing, but the woman in front of her made her think about it, made her yearn for it. She wanted Lillian Luthor to suffer, as Lillian had made Lena suffer.

So she walked away. She walked away, for she knew that if she stayed, she would do something she might regret later.

"She killed Lionel.” Despite her decision to leave, Kara stopped walking at Lillian’s words. “The other personality Lena created, her name is Tess. She's dangerous.” The woman’s voice was shockingly shaky, as it never been. “She killed Lionel, and I have no doubt she'll try to kill you."

"Why would she try to kill me?" Kara asked, although she did not dare to turn to Lillian again.

"Tess doesn’t like those who make Lena suffer.” Lillian explained. “And, from my perspective, Kara Danvers, you are one of the many causes of my daughter's suffering."

…

                Kara wasted no time in going to L-Corp, where, again, Lena was on the balcony. However, the blonde knew better this time. It was not Lena.

Tess.

                "Supergirl.” The green-eyed woman greeted sarcastically, watching the hero with a malicious glint in her eyes. “It has come to my attention that you went to visit my mother."

Of course she did. Kara should know it would not be that simple. She should have also thought that, being the last free Luthor, Lena would know if any of her family behind the bars were visited.

"She told me about you, Tess." The blonde said, unwilling to waste time. She would bring Lena back, no matter how the woman was hidden behind Tess's ironic and venomous personality.

"I see.” Tess nodded. “I'd like to say that it's a pleasure to meet you, but I'd be lying." She stated with a sarcastic smile.

"Why are you here?" Kara frowned.

"I'm sure my dear mother explained how it works.” Tess shrugged. “I take care of Lena when she needs me. That's what I'm doing now, I'm taking care of her." She explained.

"You don’t have to take care of her. I'll do it." Kara retorted.

"You?” In response, Tess burst out laughing, startling Kara. When she finally stopped laughing, she spoke again. “You're the one who lies to her every day.” Kara opened her mouth to retort, but Tess interrupted her. “You don’t have to lie to me, Kara Danvers.” Kara felt the color of her face drain away. She could not know that. Not that way. Not before Kara finally had the courage to tell her. “I know you're here just to watch Lena, to make sure she's not just another Luthor. That was always your goal."

"That’s not true!” Kara snapped indignantly. It was nothing like that. It had never been. “I..." She was interrupted before she could continue.

"You what?" Tess raised an eyebrow, eyeing Kara with disdain.

There was not much else Kara could say. There were no lies she could tell. Her throat seemed to be closed, as if she were choking on the words she wanted so badly to utter. Although it was not her intention to confess this to Tess, it was something she needed to put out, needed to get out of her chest and tell someone other than Alex and Maggie.

"I love her." Her confession was said in a whisper, the words said in a fragile tone.

Tess, however, listened and laughed again, blatantly mocking the blonde's feelings.

"No, you don’t.” Tess retorted with a mocking grin. “Nobody loves Lena. Only I love Lena. It's always been like this." She stated.

"You don’t love her. You're only using her." Kara frowned. The woman in front of her was too different from Lena. Where Lena was gentle and kind, Tess was spiteful and sarcastic. They were like two opposing sides of a coin. Only one could exist at a time. And Kara wanted Lena back more than anything.

"And who are you to say that, _Supergirl_?” The name was said in such a poisonous way that, being pronounced in Lena's voice, caused a painful pang in Kara's heart, which was soon followed by a pain in the abdomen caused by a shot of the weapon that the hero was too distracted to realize that Tess had pulled off. She fell to the floor. A kryptonite bullet. “And you know what the worst part is?” Tess asked, leaning forward to Kara and putting a hand to the blonde's face. “She knows you lie to her. She always knew from the first moment you appeared with Clark Kent in her office for that interview. And you broke her heart again and again, every time you lied to her.”

Those words were more painful than the shot itself, because Kara recognized the truth in them. Lena knew, had known all along, and for all that time Kara had lied to her, again and again. The blonde could only begin to imagine how much pain she had caused the CEO.

"I didn’t want to lie to her." She said in a weak and broken voice, feeling the tears welling in her eyes.

"It doesn’t change the fact that you lied, and that she's suffering.” Tess retorted. “Because of you, her love has died.” Another painful pang in Kara’s heart. “You've ruined so many aspects of her life.” Another. “For that, I'm going to kill you." Then, Tess pointed her gun to Kara’s head.

And Kara did nothing. She closed her eyes and waited. She would let Lena kill her, for she deserved it. For all she'd done Lena pass, she deserved to die.

However, nothing came. A thud sounded, and as the hero opened her eyes once more, Lena's body was on the ground and Alex was behind her. In panic, Kara immediately stood to went to check the state of the woman she loved, only to be assured by her sister that all she had done had been to knock out the CEO.

Alex explained that Winn had detected the presence of Kryptonite there and she had become worried about Kara, and in return, Kara explained Lena's condition. Finally, the Danvers sisters took the Luthor woman to the DEO, where Kara waited by Lena's bed, holding her hand, for the time the woman would wake up.

Kara had no idea which of the two personalities would wake up. She just hoped it was the one that made her feel like no one else could, the one who could make her heart beat faster. All Kara wanted most was that when the body returned to consciousness, the one who there was the woman she loved with all her heart.

Because she would always protect Lena. Even if it meant protecting Lena from herself.

**Author's Note:**

> What the hell did I write? O.O


End file.
